I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
