I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
