if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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