Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
