What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
