She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
