I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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