If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
