I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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