No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
