Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
