Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
