He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
