what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
