He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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