omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
