he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
