that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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