I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
