I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
