FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
