Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
