Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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