Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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