apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am full of burrito and curiosity
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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