I wish I could punch you in the face.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Two words: nipple clamps
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