Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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