you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
