well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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