I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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