I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
