if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
