I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
