I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
