ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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