Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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