Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
