Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter

(310): View more from California

Whats your twitter name

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(614): View more from Ohio

Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

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(650): View more from California

dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything

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(607): View more from New York

The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.

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(559): View more from California

so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.

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