so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
