If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize