I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
