Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
