i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
