Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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