He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
