thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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