Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
