So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Houston, we have a blender
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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