He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
