if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
