i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
