GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
