just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
