just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
