I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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