Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
