The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
