He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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