I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
