I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
