My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize