i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
