The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
