My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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