It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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