I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
