I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
