I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
