So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
