i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize