There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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