My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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