watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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