What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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