I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
