i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize