I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
