So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
