That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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