today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
