So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
