She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
