Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
